Talking about death will kill me.
Today is Friday the thirteenth, and this date usually gets me thinking about superstitions. I am not sure that I am a superstitious person, I don’t jump over cracks, avoid black cats, or walk around a ladder. Then again, I did freak out when I broke a mirror back when I was thirteen, and I swear I really did have a rough seven years!
Working in the estate administration industry, I certainly see my fair share of superstitions and fears when it comes to discussing death, or any type of “estate planning” topic. I think this is because death is unknown to us and therefore scary. We as humans naturally want to avoid scary things by any techniques necessary. Which means that we will ward off some of the most important topics and conversations we should be having, for fear of bringing that thing that concerns us most right to our doorstep.
In the last ten years, I have heard some pretty interesting reasons as to why someone did not want to meet with me to discuss their estate. At first I took this personally, then I learned to stop wearing all black, and now I realize….”it’s you, not me”.
So, I am here to let you in on a few secrets from my industry….please only share with those you care about!
CREATING A WILL WONT KILL YOU -Did you know that there is a statistic that proves if you create your Will that you will actually live longer?????…….
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Actually, that is as illogical as saying if you do create your Will, that you will have an untimely death. The act of putting your wishes onto paper form shall not bring the grim reaper closer to your door, it simply makes you more organized…not more or less likely to die.
UNLIMITED TIME -Years ago I worked on an estate where the deceased knew that she was ill and had a limited time left on earth. She met with the lawyer to draft her Will, went through all the details, organized how she wanted her assets to be divided, but when it came time to signing this important document, she kept putting it off. Her reasoning was “I feel ok (now), and I still have time”. Finally, she conceded that perhaps she had less time than she thought, and made the appointment for an upcoming Monday. She passed away the Friday before this appointment, never having signed her Will and effectively creating a messy estate for her family and loved ones. This is the classic tale of thinking we have way more time than we actually do. While I am not saying we should all walk around thinking “today is the day”, we certainly should live for today, while planning for tomorrow.
IF I DIE -At my firm ETP Canada ,we do quite a bit of Estate and Executor Training so that people have a better understanding of what their estate might look like, or what the role of the Executor really is. What has amazed me over the years are the conversations where I have heard “this is great information, and it will certainly be useful IF I die”. I’ll admit, the first few years of my career I would smile politely and nod, never correcting the client. Now, I have to gently let my clients know that this information is helpful for WHEN they die. There are only two things in our life that are guaranteed, the fact that I was born, and the fact that I will one day pass away. Everything else is circumstantial.
Upon my extensive “google” research, I found no scientific evidence to prove that if a person is to start the conversation around their wishes, or even go a step further and prepare plans with professionals for their estate, that this would speed up the timeline of a person’s death. If anything, in my experience, discussing our estate with family, loved ones, and planning with professionals led to a reduction in stress and worry, a sense of being able to move on, and a greater ability to focus on the “now”.
I encourage you to bring up this fearful topic, even if in little baby steps until the conversation becomes a little more comfortable. But to be safe……please still look at both sides of the street before crossing!