3 ways to reduce stress when you are an Executor
For quite a while now, death has held it’s spot as one of the highest rated stressful events a person can experience. When dealing with the loss of a loved one, death can also be accompanied by other high anxiety events such as job loss, moving, or even divorce.
When I ask attendees of my seminars who they think is most impacted by stress upon the death of a loved one, the answers are usually similar; the family, the widow, the children, friends, and so on. What I find interesting is that usually the Executor of an estate is not mentioned as being highly impacted by this angst.
I think this has to do with the fact that we tend to attribute the role of the Executor as one of great honor…..that the Executor should be “tickled pink” that they were chosen. The reality is, if you are the Executor….it is likely that you were in fact the least favorite! It is a big job, being an Executor. This role is often lonely, takes time, requires patience and is a steep learning curve for a complicated process.
Now, I realize that the above comments might be raising your blood pressure more than I had intended, but please note that it is not all “doom and gloom”, the job of the Executor can be immensely rewarding too. There is the satisfaction of running an estate from start to finish, helping the family and beneficiaries through one of the hardest times of their lives, and carrying out the wishes of the person who has passed away. However, regardless of if an estate is running perfectly smooth, or has a few bumps along the way (or mega bumps!), the Executor is still likely to feel some stressful triggers during the administration of an estate.
When acting as the Executor, it can be difficult to even determine where to start, or how to reduce the stress that you are feeling. Throughout my experience of both being an Executor and working directly with them, I have found the following tips helpful in reducing the intensity you are feeling while in the role.
ASK FOR HELP: When a Last Will & Testament is created, there are “General Powers of Executor” granted which allows an Executor discretion for certain things. These powers are commonly found on the last few pages of the Will (if you have read that far!). Some examples are; the power to sell property, the power to carry on a business, the power to retain a mortgage, etc. Another common one is the power to retain professional help. This is essential for an Executor, let’s say that the idea of tax returns causes you to run away screaming while pulling out your hair….well, then this power would be perfect for you. This allows for an Executor to hire the professional help needed for tasks that would ultimately benefit the estate (again going back to the tax return example). Now, while an Executor can hire professional help, ALL decisions still remain the Executors sole responsibility. A professional can only assist, they will take their directions from the Executor who has the ultimate decision making authority.
KEEP RECORDS: On average an estate can take eighteen to twenty-four months to complete. This means that there are a lot of conversations, transactions, and advice that is occurring during this time. A common blood pressure boiler is when a beneficiary asks an Executor for more details about a particular transaction or decision, and proper records were not actually kept! Due to the fact that residual beneficiaries are actually entitled to the details of the estate’s administration, I recommend an Executor manage two kinds of records. Keep a JOURNAL, this is very important in controlling the emotions from getting mixed up with the facts. Write down the date you spoke with someone, their general mood, and what was talked about. It is also useful for discussions with professionals, how many times have you left someone’s office only to wonder later that evening what was said?! It is helpful to have these notes incase you are asked something like; why a tax return is taking longer? Or, when were those dishes donated? You can then confidently look back on your notes, see the facts, and not rely on memories. Keep a FINANCIAL LEDGER, a large part of administering an estate is the monetary transaction portion. Maintaining a ledger of everything that comes into the bank account (i.e. how much did you sell that tea cup for again?) and everything that goes out (i.e. payments to professionals, or all the stamps you’re going to need!) will be very helpful when you provide this information to the beneficiaries. I also recommend holding onto your receipts and copies of cheques deposited into the account, it makes for a quick answer to someone when they are looking for this information. Another reason to ensure that you keep the financials up to date is that it is less costly when you ask a professional to prepare all the accounting for the estate when they don’t have to reconcile several years of unrecorded transactions!
IT TAKES TIME: The old medieval French adage of “Rome was not built in a day” certainly applies to an estate. Everything takes time, and there is a lot of waiting……and then when you thought you were done, there is even more waiting! The goal of every Executor is to wrap up the estate as quickly as reasonably possible. However, I have seen Executors get so caught up in trying to do everything quickly, that they missed key tasks that would have required time and patience. There can be a lot of pressure on an Executor to send out monies to beneficiaries instantly, however this should never come at the cost of key elements such as; not having tax returns prepared, or searching and paying for all liabilities first. There is something called “Executor’s Year” which is a common law rule that gives the Executor one year to administer the estate before the beneficiaries have a legal entitlement to demand payment. This doesn’t mean that the Executor can sit around and do nothing for one year, it just allows for some breathing space while the first steps of the estate are being taken. The Executor can issue partial distributions to the beneficiaries (upon receiving tax/accounting advice) to keep things running smoothly, however it is good to know that you do have some time before absolutely having to distribute monies. Knowing that you have this window of time means it is wise to create a timeline of the estate, what are your first steps? How long will these steps take? What are the wait times with the Superior Court and the Canada Revenue Agency? I find having all of these tasks drawn out in front of me helps to have a better understanding of what everyone (including me) should be expecting.
As you can see there is a lot to do, think about, and stress over when working on the administration of an estate. Having these three tangible items of 1) Asking for help, 2) Keeping records, and 3) Drawing out a timeline… may not completely obliterate the anxiety an Executor is feeling, but it might help with the sense of taking more control over a stressful situation.