The question of “Which child should I choose to be my Executor?” is one of the most common inquiries asked when I speak at a seminar.  I was recently honored to virtually present to a seniors centre on how to prepare our Executors for their role.  During the presentation, the question of which child to choose came up several times.  My thought is that if people are asking, that means others must also think about it.

So, which child should you choose to be your Executor???.......

I would say pick your least favorite!

Kidding aside, a common misconception is that being chosen as someone’s Executor is like being picked as the Maid of Honor or Godparent.  That beautiful butterflies will grace the estate’s administration, and everyone will get along without any issues whatsoever.

The reality is that the role of an Executor should be treated as a job posting.  We should step back to consider our needs for our estate and who the best person may be to fulfill the estate’s administration requirements.  This thought process should be the same regardless of if we are considering our children, siblings, friends, or professionals as Executors.  When thinking about the person that you would like to name as your Executor, keep in mind the following three points:

YOUR ESTATE’S NEEDS: What kind of skills and experience does the Executor of your estate need? Considering what your estate will hold in assets, liabilities, and family dynamics should be something to give significant thought.  For example, do you hold a cottage that requires the Executor to spend a lot of time driving back and forth, ensuring that the property is maintained?  If the estate will have many investments and require meetings with advisors and lawyers, is the person you are choosing comfortable and equipped to manage these types of affairs?  Would the person you choose be able to handle the requirements of your estate specifically? 

DON’T CHOOSE BASED ON EMOTIONS: Estates are becoming more complicated; we are no longer dealing with a closet full of clothes and simple bank accounts.  As the world and businesses have evolved, so have our assets.  We are now looking at the largest intergenerational wealth transfer in history.  Yet, when it comes to thinking about who the person should be that manages our assets such as houses, investments, cottages, businesses, vehicles, trusts, and so on, we tend to choose the person based on emotion and perceived loyalties instead of the right person for the job.  This situation reminds me of the quote, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”-Unknown.  When appointing your Executor, it shouldn’t be based on soley good intentions and trusting that everyone will feel good and do well without any discussion or training.  It should be because you genuinely believe that the person is best suited and equipped for the job.

ASK THE PERSON: I find it interesting that there is a formal application and interview process for the careers that we have.  Yet, when it comes to appointing our Executor, not only do we not treat it as a job posting, but we don’t ask if the person we are naming even wants the job! This can lead to an awkward situation for the Executor if they don’t want the position in the first place.  Once you have decided who you would like to be your Executor, then connect with them to ensure that the role is something that they want to do.  This protects your estate plan in the long run as you then can confidently say that you know your Executor will be willing to do the job when the time comes.

 Writing about the topic of which child should be your Executor, reminds me of watching the Crown on Netflix, there was an episode where the Queen is told by her family that she has a favorite child, but she disagrees with this statement.  The Queen in the episode proceeds to spend time …ahem interview….with her children trying to figure out which child is in fact her favorite.  Ok, I may have run off track here….my point is, there was an interview process with the children, and it is ok to do this when choosing one of them to be your Executor.  Also, you don’t have to tell anyone which kid is actually your favorite!